The young New Yorkers profiled have a much different dating landscape than the majority of us. Unlike most millennials, they are probably experienced, emotionally connected sex partners or married with kids.
The change has become pervasive: 8 in 10 Americans now say they have had casual sex, and three-fourths of them have had it within the past year, says a study by Ohio State University’s Kinsey Institute. Approximately 30 percent of people have had sexual contact with at least five people since turning 19, according to a survey by GfK/Valent and the National AIDS Hotline, and nearly a third of those who have had casual sex have had it with five or more people. While this sounds like numbers taken straight out of the mouth of an ice-cream salesman, the connection with demographic statistics is clear: The fewer kids you have, the more likely you are to have casual sex, according to the study. With fewer children in the house and more people having sex, anyone who is keeping up with the Joneses is likely to give it a go.
Although millennials are having more casual sex, the most millennial thing about it is that they admit they are having casual sex. In fact, they are the least likely of any generation to avoid having casual sex or to cheat on their partner, says a study by the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania. The reason: This generation grew up with the Internet. Research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that millennials have tried digital casual sex (initiated through apps like Tinder, Grindr and Bumble) more than any other generation. And it seems millennials are finding it more attractive and less trouble than before. In 2014, just 19 percent of millennials said they would date a younger woman, a 20-year decrease from the 85 percent who said the same in 1990. The June 2016 Trump University class-action settlement resulted in a reported $29 million in refunds to students, without being specific about how much for each student. A previous class-action lawsuit settled in 2014 for $20.5 million.
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Teenagers seek out their first sexual experiences by sharing their sexuality, exploring their bodies, and even forming friendships with their peers. Set boundaries with friends and ask the difficult questions early on. If you are already in a relationship, be open and honest with your partner. If you end up having sex with someone you did not plan to, think about what went right and
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Cameron Mitchell, 33, was shocked to find that casual sex had become more than just an act, and he’s now campaigning against the “shame of casual sex.” Accidental pregnancies, STIs, and diseases like herpes, chlamydia, and hepatitis A are just some of the possible negative effects that can arise from casual hookups. He notes that if you’re looking for a one-night stand, it helps to pick up a condom beforehand and use the drug trio to keep feelings and intimacy, if you feel they need to come between you and “the thrill of being raw.” He adds that you should always use condoms as a safeguard, rather than as a “tick-in-the-boo” tactic.
Being 100% clear about your intentions is key. “I had no game when I started,” McCreight admits. “I did some stalking and some sex work, and I realized how little I had to offer a partner. So I stopped being so needy, relaxed in my body and let it emerge as my sex. I can now say I am happy with casual sex: it is when you have expectations and you take them seriously. On the other hand, I recognize that it wasn’t good for me as a teen, because I was still having sex. I’m starting to see that casual sex doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t absolve you of the guilt either. If you were honest, open, and willing, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
So the fact that young, social people these days can have more sex than ever doesn’t mean that the barriers to sex have disappeared; it might be that it’s just more of an open exploration than in past generations, when the stigma of casual sex was slightly higher.
Think of casual sex as a new form of dating etiquette. “The average person would have lots of casual sex in their life without hardly knowing their partner’s name,” says Shapiro. You’d be cool with it, and so would they. Think of “the new one night stand.”
Sometimes people consider having sex with someone with whom they are only casually acquainted as a one-night stand, which can be mutually beneficial, and most people look back on one-night stands fondly. At the same time, they do not want to have sex with someone they do not really know.
If you decide to practice safe sex, make sure to use a
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