According to Freud, all pleasure is sexual in nature, and since some of the best pleasures in life are purely sexual, this makes sense. And that is the core of Freud’s “pleasure principle.” Sexual pleasure is different than emotional satisfaction, and according to Freud, this is a difference in kind rather than degree.
Read: 10 Valentine’s Day Sex Positions That Will Help You Stay Loose
So, how do you know if you’re interested in casual sex? By the way, you are attracted to someone, and you want to hook up with them. The ice breaker is going to be to ask if they have any familiar rules they’d like to try out. The way they answer will determine where the interaction is headed. Let’s imagine that the nice person asks what kind of fun position you would like to try in the bedroom. They’d like to give it a shot, but they’re not really sure how to go about it. The answer could be “Oh, no, I’m all about the give and take, I don’t want to be in control.” Or it could be “Oh, yeah, I’m good for that.” It’s basically saying “I’m the type of person that can always push boundaries and is open to learning from new experiences,” which is a pretty good assessment of what you want in a sexual partner.
But if you hit it off and the conversation continues, it’s possible to enjoy the vast network of sexuality that casual sex opens up, even if it’s a relatively safe, controlled experience. The key to using casual sex to your advantage is to get what you want out of it before you jump into bed.
A quick demonstration of the strength of your attraction is to ask them if they’ve had sexual relations with anyone else. This can be a hard question to answer, so keep them engaged. Ask questions about their thoughts and feelings in the last 24 hours, and what it was like to be with that person. This can be difficult since they’ll be on the spot. Trying to determine how they really feel can elicit amazing feats of communication. It’s also a good time to ask if they’ve had sex before, as long as you are on a first name basis with the person.
How to make it work
The best way to make sure that your sexual experience is truly meaningful is to get a feel for the person’s boundaries before diving in. If you feel too out of your element, you’re better off to leave it. You aren’t there to get hit
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Why Are We Putting Limits On Casual Sex?
1. Incels
Carrying on in the era of incels is just asking for trouble. Incels are mostly men who took a battering at a young age and have a number of mental illnesses, among them pedophilia, pathological jealousy, and various other psychoses. They also tend to be, as one might expect, obsessed with the idea that it is women who are to blame for their debasement.
2. Casual Sex Can Ruin Your Friendship
Casual sex threatens every facet of your significant other’s image of yourself. Their friends are aware that they’ve been messing around on the side, so there are liable to be a lot of negative comparisons made between your relationship and theirs, as well as a sidelong glance in your direction as the relationship weakens. This can, in turn, lead to your significant other slandering you behind your back. This is the true source of casual sex’s bad reputation, and it’s a problem that’s easily avoided.
3. Casual Sex Makes You Bad At Dating
It’s not that you should never cheat on your significant other, but you shouldn’t do it as a matter of habit. You’ll find yourself making excuses to strays, or maybe having to confront your significant other afterwards if the big moment doesn’t quite gel. Maybe, after a time, you’ll be so used to doing it that you’ll even begin to treat all your relationships casually. If you want to go out with someone, you have to be prepared to meet that person’s friends and colleagues. Doing so is a good way to get a sense of whether the person you’re considering is worth pursuing.
4. Casual Sex Can Make You Unhealthy
If you’re looking to take casual sex seriously as a gateway to a committed relationship, it can really be a minefield. The people you sleep with are likely to be younger and more physically attractive than you, meaning you’ll feel like an older, unattractive version of yourself. Maybe they’ll feel obligated to continue seeing you in a sexual light, or they might feel you’re holding their power over you.
If you’re in a committed relationship, the rules for casual sex are extremely strict. You can’t form a relationship with someone you haven’t disclosed everything about to, after all. And if you’re seeing someone casually, you need to understand their normal emotional reactions, both positive and negative. You don’t want to have negative emotional reactions towards someone you intend
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